For those of you, like me, who were members of cotillion classes, there is a shared understanding of the balance of weight during movement in a ballroom dance. Any dancing or coordinated movement relies on balance, even the simplest acts of motion. However, what draws me to the ballroom dancing idea is the sense that you are sharing the dance by relying on others’ sense of motion and balance as well as your own to create a single movement, albeit with four legs and four arms and two highly independent brains. In ballroom dancing, the connection is the important thing. Even if the dancers are not touching one another, you cannot have a “dance” without the relationship between the two. You may still have dance, such as ballet or other performance art, but the essence of ballroom dancing is learning to be, for a time, part of something bigger.
I feel right now if I am doing a dance with my heart and my mind. There are so many things to accomplish between now and when I leave, and I wonder: is two years enough? Is two years too long? I know that I am seeking a larger adventure, but what do I really need to make it in this new place in my life? I do not doubt my dream, but I doubt my persistence, and I need to explore that more fully.
Weird, right? Perhaps this is a simple phase that I will have to revisit periodically to make it okay for me to make more steps forward. I am learning that possessions, while nice, are not strong enough to hold me back, because I am trying to look beyond that and see the possibilities that emerge once I let those things go.
Occasionally, I have mini-panics consisting of “what will I do?” and “how will I live?” and “what hurdles must I consider?” Together, those three questions can be paralyzing. I am starting to organize my thoughts in those categories now, though, so that each can be ironed out separately to my satisfaction. I’m not ready to move yet, but I am ready to move forward.
So now what? I can hear the musicians tuning their instruments to get ready for the next dance!